Healing Sexual Wounds
I have decided to write about a very important but unpopular topic – the healing of our sexual wounds. I am struck by the number of people who want to study tantra as a shortcut to ecstasy, as though tantra were a New Age formula for better sex. The truth is that we cannot experience bliss in our bodies without an awareness of where we are wounded, and one of the primary purposes of tantra is to heal those wounds.
Because of the sexual taboos instilled in us by our society, most of us have been exposed to the misuse of sexual energy in one form or another and carry unconscious wounds that prohibit the loving expression of our sexuality. Those wounds cause us to either repress our sexual energy or use it as a drug to dull emotional pain. This hurts the body and prevents us from experiencing the bliss of sexual union based on heart-to-heart connection.
The study of tantra involves awareness of how one is utilizing one’s sexual energy so that sex can become a vehicle for spiritual growth. Is sex being used to express love or as a means for control? One tantric practice, for example, involves drawing sexual energy (kundalini) up the spine to clear the nervous system of emotional wounds that block our capacity to feel and express love. It is common to carry these wounds, and it is surprising how few people are aware of them. These wounds appear as:
- fear or anxiety about sex
- poor body image
- inability to feel pleasure or experience orgasm
- emotional or physical pain during genital stimulation
- impotence and/or lack of ejaculatory control
- excessive desire for sexual release
- difficulty expressing sexual/emotional needs
- desire to rush lovemaking
- performance anxiety
- attraction to abusive or insensitive lovers
- promiscuity
- lack of sexual desire
- need for pornography or fetishes for arousal
- emotionally or sexually abusive behavior
Often these wounds are the product of emotional or sexual abuse. Sexual abuse can take a number of different forms, including rape, molestation, inappropriate touching, harassment, and psychic invasion. Abuse can occur at any stage of life and is unfortunately rampant in our society. It can be so insidious that many survivors don’t know they have been abused until later on in life when the wounds become apparent. Psychic sexual abuse is particularly difficult to identify, especially when it comes from one or both of the survivor’s parents.
If you have experienced any of the above symptoms, you would benefit greatly from exploring the source of them so that you can learn to express your sexuality freely and with love.
